The Book of Beasts - Chapter 4
Medieval fables by Ramon Llull, translated and adapted from the Catalan
[For the start of the tales see Part 1]
How the Wily Fox got himself into the royal court,
and got rid of some rivals into the bargain
Over at the court of the Lion King, the Cat had become the royal butler, and the Dog was the royal doorman. The Cat was butler because it hunted rats and because, being a feline, it looked like the Lion King. The Dog was doorman because he had good sense of smell and hearing and could sense visitors from a long way off. Very logical.
Meanwhile Reynard the wily Fox went off to find the Horse and the Ox, who’d left the land of the beasts to live in the land of humans, and encountered the Ox, disillusioned with all the work and the threat of imminent butchery in the service of Man, coming the other way.
They greeted each other cordially, and the Ox explained his disillusionment with humans. He said he was going to the court of the Lion King because even though he could be eaten there, at least he wouldn’t have to do heavy labor first. So the Fox related the following very cryptic tale to the Ox:
Once upon a time there was a very evil king who had a very evil council and they did very evil things and everyone wanted the king and his counsellors to die. The end.
The Ox said:
I think I see what you’re getting at there, Mr Fox. It’s a subtle message, but I get it. So I think that instead of going to the Lion King’s court and asking for pardon, I’ll just find somewhere that I can live alone in peace.
The Fox was pleased that the Ox understood his covert subtext, and he said:
Once upon a time there was a very evil king, and so on, and there was a hermit who lived far from anyone, as you yourself are planning to do now. He heard that the king was behaving very badly, so he set off to the city to see what could be done.
“Sire,” said the saintly man to the king, “which is more worthy in the eyes of God, the life of a hermit in the hills, or the life of a king reigning justly over his people?”
The king said it was the life of himself reigning wisely and justly.
“Aha! your majesty!” exclaimed the saintly hermit. “that’s exactly why I’m here, to make your reign just and worthwhile.”
And so the hermit stayed in the court, living well, and giving good advice to the king, so all was well. And you, brother Ox, are very much like a saintly hermit. Maybe you should go and advise our Lion King and mend his ways.
The Ox promised the Fox that he would do everything in his power to help in any way he could, to advise the Lion King and make him a just and wise king beloved by his subjects. The Fox said he should go and stand in a lovely meadow, near where the Lion King and the other meat-eating lords were, and then bellow loudly so that they could hear him. Then the Lion King would seek him out and ask for his advice.
So the Fox went to where the King and the other predators were holding court. Just then the Ox started bellowing loudly, which started the Rooster crowing and the Dog barking. The Lion King was terrified of all this noise, and started cowering like a little scaredy-cat, as did all the other fierce predators. He asked the Fox what kind of ferocious beast was that making the terrifying sound. The Fox answered him:
Sire, once upon a time there was a drummer boy who got bored and walked off leaving his drum hanging in the tree, which shook in the wind making a tremendous noise. Everyone ran off in fear, but a monkey came by and thought there might be some honey in that empty beehive shaking on the tree. There wasn’t any honey, but he got a nice drum out of it. The point being: not everything that makes a lot of noise is a great threat, so maybe, Sire, you ought to lion up and stop being such a pussycat.
Just then the Ox bellowed loudly once more, and once more the Lion and his predator counsellors all trembled with fear. But the Fox remained calm. The Lion was amazed at the Fox’s courage:
Mr Fox, how can it be that you are unafraid of this great bellowing monster, when I, Lion King, and my noble friends Bear, Leopard and Ocelot are all trembling in fear?
The Fox replied:
Oh great Lion King, I feel sure that anything that I can’t kill with my teeth and claws I can defeat with my cunning and ingenuity. Do you know the story of the serpent and the crow? Once upon a time there was a crow that had a nest on a rock, and every year the serpent came and ate her eggs. The crow knew she couldn’t fight the serpent and so decided to use her ingenuity. She stole a precious gold necklace with pearls, gems and silver inlays which a princess had hung on a tree while she played tag with her damsels in the palace garden. She knew that that all the men-at-arms in the palace would give chase to recover the highly-valued piece.
So she waited for the men to catch up and then dropped the necklace on the serpent’s nest, and so the men killed the serpent to get it back. What won the day there? Not brawn, but brain, your majesty!
The Serpent, who was a member of the royal council, heard all this, and was highly offended at the casual snakeism implied in this tale. He spoke up:
It’s not always ingenuity that counts, Sire, despite what this reptiliphobe carrion-eating Fox would have you believe. Once upon a time there was a heron, who was getting on in years and wasn’t as adept at spearing fish as he used to be as a young bird. So he started to weep next to the bank of the pond, and a crayfish came up and asked what was wrong.
The heron said there were a pair of really good fishermen coming and he feared for the lives of all the fish in the pond. The crayfish called all the fish together and explained the danger they were in, and they asked the heron’s advice. He said that he could move them, one at a time, to a nearby pond where the fishermen wouldn’t come looking for them. The fish were overwhelmed with this generous offer and thanked him kindly for his help.
So he began to eat them all, one by one, as they delivered themselves into his bill. Finally it was the crayfish’s turn, but he grasped the heron’s neck with his claw, and from there he saw all the fishbones strewn around the bank. So he squeezed his claw and chopped off the treacherous heron’s head - fine ending to all the heron’s ingenuity!
Now it was the Fox’s turn to be mightily pissed. He spat out his response:
My dear lord and King, ever since the time of Adam and Eve it’s been well known how devious and disingenuous the Serpent has been. Indeed the king is God’s holy representative on earth, while the Serpent is the representative of Satan the enemy of God. Even to listen to him is a grievous sin...
Just at this moment the Ox let out a third tremendous bellow. Again, the Lion King and all the proud beasts of prey cowered like cowards. So the Fox asked the King if his majesty would like for him, Fox, to go and check on who or what was causing the terrifying noise. This they agreed to as they cringed on the ground with their paws over their eyes. So the Fox said:
If I go and risk my life, and it turns out to be something harmless to you all, and I bring it back here, do you promise not to harm it in any way, whatever it is?
This they promised, so the Fox went over to the meadow where the Ox stood bellowing and told him to stop. He went on:
Brother Ox, now we’ll go to the court and make amends. You just look humble and contrite while I explain that you’re very sorry to have been a dirty traitor who switched allegiance to the humans. Now you want to come back to the realm of the Lion King and you repent of your heinous and untrustworthy disloyalty. You might even swing it to become a kind of ambassador or envoy between the two realms, if you let me speak for you.
So they went back together, Ox and Fox, to the court of the Lion King, and Fox explained that he had it all sorted, it was just Mr Ox back from the land of the humans and there was absolutely nothing to worry about. The Lio King was a bit embarrassed at being terrified of a medium-sized ungulate, supposedly his prey animal, and he said:
Mr Ox, where did you get that big booming voice from? We’d never have recognised you as the docile grazer you are, har har har.
The other animals tittered nervously as the Ox went down on his front legs and did humble obeisance to the Lion King:
My lord and king, I was crying out with terror and shame after having abandoned you to defect to the realm of Man. I most humbly and sincerely beseech your pardon, Sire.
My friend Mr Ox, you are indeed pardoned, most gladly. But tell me, what is the Kingdom of Humans really like?
My lord and king, the Serpent was so right when he said that Man is the most wicked and perverse of all the creatures on earth.
Which Serpent said that? And why?
Hear me, my lord and king. Once upon a time a bear, a crow, a serpent and a human fell into a chasm. They were trapped there and cried out for help. A hermit that was passing on his way to the king’s court heard them and decided to rescue them all, leaving the man for last. But the serpent told him not to rescue the man, as he was untrustworthy, but the hermit wouldn’t listen, and he hauled the man out.
As a reward, the bear gave the hermit a huge honeycomb and the crow gave him a precious necklace which she had stolen from the princess at the royal palace. The serpent and the man both said that as a reward, they’d help out the hermit when he most needed help. But when they got to the royal court, the man, who was the royal jeweller and had recognized the necklace, turned in the hermit as a jewel thief, receiving himself a royal reward.
The serpent was scandalized by this betrayal and so he snuck in to the princess’s bedroom that night and bit her. Her hand was all swole up and she was like to die. But the serpent passed the hermit an antidote to his own poison and then whispered in the king’s ear as he slept that the hermit was a great healer. The next day the princess was cured, the hermit released, the treacherous jeweller imprisoned, and the serpent considered a jolly good bloke by one and all.
The Lion king hadn’t really been listening to all this. He said:
Cool story, brother Ox. But tell me, do you think I should fear the might of the Realm of Humans?
My lord and king, it would be highly risky to become enemies with those filthy bipedal monsters because no animal has yet been created who could stand up to their devilish power.
The Fox had been listening to this exchange and now realized he’d achieved his goal, namely the Lion King terrified of humans. So he chimed in:
My lord, Man is the greediest creature on the face of the earth, ever grasping for more things to satisfy his mad craving for possessions. So I think that it would be a good plan to send the King of Humans a series of gifts, as a mark of goodwill, so you can gain his confidence.
The Lion King said it was a good idea, but the Rooster disagreed, with a story – why not? – to illustrate his point:
Once upon a time there was a king who decided to make Ingenuity and Brute Force fight it out to see which one was the strongest. Brute Force won. The end. Now, from this fable you can see that if we send messengers with gifts to the King of Men, he will be honour-bound to send messengers here with gifts as well. Those messengers – spies, really – will see how weak we are and will know that with his overwhelming force he may easily defeat us.
But the wily Fox Reynard shot back:
God will send us the holy strength to fight anything that faces us, without even the need for any ingenious tricks!
With this clever argument, Fox won the contest to influence the Lion King, who then decided to send gifts and messages of friendship to the Human King. There was just the question of which envoy to send. Fox pointed out that Mr Ox had been living among the humans and knew them better than anyone else. But for some reason Ox was not in favour:
My lord and king, it’s better that the emissary should be someone much more noble than a humble grass-grazer like me, and I suggest that you consider the very noble Panther and Leopard. Moreover, Cat and Dog would be very welcome gifts for the humans, since Cat looks like your royal person, graceful and beautiful, but not so menacing, while Dog is a great hunter and Men always respect a good huntsman.
So, following the Ox’s good counsel, the Panther and the Leopard set out for the Land of Men, bearing the Cat and the Dog in their jaws as gifts for the King of the Humans. As there were now vacancies in the Lion King’s royal household, Ox was named royal butler to replace the Cat, while the Fox was named to the trusted position of doorman to replace the faithful Dog.