The Book of Beasts - Chapter 7
Medieval fables by Ramon Llull, translated and adapted from the Catalan
[For the start of these tales, see Part 1]
Redpilled Roosters and a Quest for Ethically-Sourced Meat
The day after eliminating the Leopard, following a sleepless night, the Lion King summoned his advisors to decide how they should respond to the request from the King of the Humans to send him a wolf and a bear.
The Serpent, who was his wisest counsellor, spoke up, saying that since the land of the Beasts was full of wolves and bears, he could easily spare one of each. To this Reynard the Wily Fox had some additional suggestions, as he always did:
The King of Humans is the noblest and most powerful sovereign in the world. Therefore, you must send him the strongest bear and wolf you have in your kingdom, so as not to offend him. And it’s evident that the best and bravest are the Bear and the Wolf on your Royal Council.
So the Lion King decreed that his wise councillors, the Bear and Wolf, should be sent as gifts to fight the dogs of the Man King. And the Bear and the Wolf accepted, for fear of being branded cowards.
Then the Fox added:
You also have to think about who will be the emissary this time, since the Leopard and Panther did so badly the first time, and came back empty-handed. Your ambassador this time should be the wisest advisor on your Royal Council, who, in my opinion, is the Serpent.
The Serpent was no fool and could see what was going on, so he fired back with a crafty tale of his own:
Once upon a time there was a fox that found some meat left as bait in a trap that a hunter had cunningly placed in a field. When the fox saw the trap, he didn't even want to touch the bait, aware that doing so would bring some serious consequences.
But the Lion King didn’t get it. Long periods of soft living and anxiety about the episode of the Leopard had dulled his none-too-sharp wits even more. There was also a lot of noise at night that prevented him from sleeping. And there’s the possibility that so many fables had brought on fable fatigue. He grunted out:
Huh? What’s all them fancy words supposed to mean, then, brother Serpent?
So the Serpent hissed back a reply:
Well, ever since the Ox and the Fox came into your court, we’ve been continually facing crises and catastrophes. It would be too much of a coincidence if this were not a consequence of the attention you give them. Just asking questions, not saying anything.
The Ox was swift to jump in and defend his honour:
Our lord and king has me at his side and protects me, when I am an animal that could be eaten. That is why I always honour and love him. Though it is true, my liege lord, that the Fox advised me to bellow three times during the day and three times during the night to get your attention and protection. I’m so sorry if that has been keeping you up at night, sire.
These words, which exposed some of the Fox’s crafty wiles, displeased the Fox very much, and he secretly vowed payback on the Ox. But his revenge would be a dish served very cold indeed, in the dead of winter, and it was still late summer.
Meanwhile the Serpent was sent away as emissary to the Land of the Humans with the Wolf and the Bear as his gifts to the Man King for his dogfighting pleasure. The Lion King’s royal court was steadily getting thinned out. Only the Rooster and the Fox, those eternal rivals, were left in the Royal Council, with the Ox as royal butler and aide.
During the autumn, the Lion needed to consult on a serious matter. He wanted to talk with the Rooster and the Fox, but the Rooster advised him that, in serious cases, he needed to listen to more voices, and that his Council had been too diminished by the absence of the Serpent, the Bear and the Wolf; not to mention the late Leopard and Panther, slaughtered on the field of honour. The king was willing to choose more advisors, but the Fox, to avoid this, told him a story:
Once upon a time there was a man who could understand the language of animals. But God had given him that gift on condition that it remain a secret, and warned him that the day he revealed it, he would instantly die. The man had a field, which he worked with an ox-drawn plough, and a donkey that carried manure in a cart. One day the ox was worn out and the donkey advised him not to eat his oats so that the man would think he was sick and let him rest. He fasted as advised and the man let him rest while he put the donkey on plough duty instead. This was a very arduous job, and the donkey resented it so much that he advised the ox to eat the oats, because if he continued to look sick, the man would sell him to a butcher. The ox was so frightened that he ate the oats greedily and went back to work the next day.
The man, who had understood everything the ox and the donkey had said, laughed out loud while eating his dinner. His wife, curious, asked him what was the reason for so much merriment, but the man didn’t want to tell her because, if he did, he would die. However, since his wife was angry to the point of going on hunger strike so as to die and punish her husband's silence, he decided to tell her everything. He loved her so much he was prepared to die. But the man was also able to hear what the rooster and the dog that lived with this couple were saying…
The rooster crowed with joy at what was going on, and the dog scolded him because it wasn’t right to sing when he knew that his master was about to die. The rooster defended himself by saying that the man didn’t deserve any respect, that it was only right for a cuck like him to die if he didn’t know how to make himself respected by his woman.
To show what a strong masculine leader he was, the rooster then called out ten of his chickens and showed the dog how he controlled them; he got them to do whatever he wanted without any resistance. The dog was convinced, but still he asked the rooster what he would have done if he had such an uppity wife as his master's. The rooster replied that he would beat his wife until he’d forced her to eat and drink. The man, who’d heard and understood all this, followed the alpha rooster's instructions: he beat his wife and made her eat and drink, and she never disobeyed or challenged him again.
The Fox then summed up the moral of this enlightening story:
Therefore, Lion King, your own Rooster, another alpha male to be sure, is so wise that with him alone you have enough sound advice to know what to do on every occasion. You don't need to have any more councillors. On the contrary, having many voices within the same Council tends to lead to confusion and headache.
The Rooster, though flattered somewhat by recognition of his masterful masculine energy, knew enough about what was going on to fire back with his own counter-fable:
Once upon a time, a parrot perched on a tree-branch next to a raven. They both saw how a monkey, being cold and wishing to light a fire, put a stick next to a firefly, thinking it was a flame. The parrot told the monkey he was making a mistake, but the raven scolded the parrot and told him that it was useless to correct the errors of the congenitally stupid. But the parrot insisted, and flew down from the tree to land next to the monkey so as to better make his point, but the monkey bashed the parrot with his stick and killed it.
Here the Rooster had gone too far. The Lion King, who’d listened attentively (for once) to this story, was highly offended at the comparison of his royal self with a foolish monkey. Sensing the Lion’s anger, the Fox snatched up the Rooster in its jaws and swallowed it whole in front of the court.
Lo and behold, the Fox was left as the king's only advisor.
Winter came, and things were getting grim in Beastland. The Lion King and his subjects were hungry, so the king turned to the Fox and asked what they could eat. The Fox said he would ask the Peacock if he’d heard or seen any fat meat-bearing prey around. When the Peacock saw the Fox approaching, he was nervous because he didn’t trust him at all. Fox said:
Brother Peacock, our sovereign is hungry. Come with me. When the king asks you if you have seen any beast nearby that could be eaten, you say no, but that you’ve smelled the stench of the Ox, which means he’s sick and at death's door.
The Peacock did as he was told – on the one hand, because he feared the Fox and, on the other, because, if the Ox disappeared, he would have more grain to eat. However, although the Lion wanted to eat the Ox because of his hunger, he resisted this temptation because of the Ox’s great loyalty. The Fox, seeing full well the king’s troubled conscience, offered him assurances:
My Lord and King, will you eat the Ox if I get him to give you full permission to kill him, and thus free you from your highly honourable royal scruples?
This was highly convenient for the king, and so of course he agreed.
The Fox approached the Raven, who was also starving, and proposed:
The Lion King is hungry, and I want him to kill the Ox, which is big enough to provide food for all of us. Come with me, and when the Lion says that he’s hungry, suggest that he eat you. Don’t worry, though – I'll tell him right away not to, and he always does what I advise him. Then I'll propose he eat me, and you'll warn him not to do it because fox meat is unhealthy.
When he had instructed the Raven, he went to where the Ox was and said to him:
The Lion wants to eat you because the Peacock told him that your breath stinks, which indicates that you’re sick and close to death. But the Lion King has promised you his royal protection, and I'm sure he won't betray you. So why don’t you do this one little and entirely risk-free thing: offer yourself up to be eaten? Then the Lion will thank you enormously, but will definitely leave you unharmed. You’ll be even higher in royal favour and gratitude. Besides, I‘ll be right there with you, and stand by you at all times. And you know you can count on me, so rest assured there’s no danger whatsoever in this plan.
When the three of them, Raven, Fox and Ox, were in front of the Lion King’s throne, things went pretty much as the Fox had planned.
The Raven offered himself to the king to be eaten, but the Fox excused him by saying that crow meat wasn’t good for a monarch's palate. Then the Fox offered himself to be devoured, but the Raven warned the king that fox meat was unhealthy and tastes awful.
Then the Ox, confident in the Fox’s assurances, offered himself as the sovereign's food, since he was fat and his meat was very appetizing. He looked over to the Fox for backup, but the Fox said nothing.
Suddenly, the Lion pounced on the Ox and tore out his throat, and then all three of them devoured as much as they wanted, right there in the throne room.
I recently went out of town on a little trip, which set me back about a week on my Substack reads. Slowly catching up! Happy to see a few posts from you in that time. 🙌
I do love these. Like being transported to some obscure fableland. Its quite a thing youve done here.