Deadly

Compilation of sins from Microdosing microfictions

Jun 29, 2024

All these pieces were originally written from prompts provided by

Miguel S.

at The Fiction Dealer. I’d never written ultra-short fictions like this before, and thought it was a fun exercise.

Now I’m sort of addicted to microdosing and need it regularly, in at least daily doses - so thanks for the new monkey on my back! Dealer always gives the first dose free, eh?

SIN

The thing about the redeemer is he can redeem you even from Original Sin.

What’s Original Sin? It’s sin that’s new and fresh, not the same old clichéd sin you see in your everyday routine.

Original Sin has no extra flavoring or added sugars, it has the same seven ingredients that we’ve always loved.

Seek redemption? ¡Sin problema! Sign here...1

ENVY

God threw down Lucifer for the sin of envy, threw him down to the deepest deep.

Then He looked all around at all the perfect people, those sanctified and beatified.

They trumpeted His name in hosannahs, they raised eyes to Him chanting.

This for eternity. He Himself had made it that way.

"Oh Lucifer, how I envy You" said God.2

WRATH

One time at the beginning of time and a very good time it was, two amoebae sat thrubbing on a rock on the ocean floor. They were not quite, very much just just just about to be, conscious.

“You know I’m tired of all these seaslugs comin’ into our patch and grubbin’ up all the slurry,” said one. “It makes me wrathful. We should build a wall.”

“You got conscious!” said the other. “Hey, me too! But I can’t agree. That’s hatefully-wrathfully, not nice.”

So the first one absorbed the other all up. Then spat out all the niceness. Phthoowey.3

GLUTTONY

Tararre had eaten a pile of offal from the gutter, a live puppy, a turrine of foie gras and his written orders to appear at the military hospital for examination.

After eating he exuded a strong stench and a visible vapor rose from his body.

He complained of sharp abdominal pains, saying he had swallowed a golden fork, then collapsed and died swiftly.

The doctors autopsied him, but found no golden fork, only a live puppy which they named Dessert.4

PRIDE

“Ten-HUT!” Boots stomped together in such perfect unison it was one sound.

The general regarded: boots polished just so, creases aligned on immaculate trousers, weapons held at the same precise slant.

"Men, we hear a lot about ‘pride’ in these degenerate days. But you alone can take pride in the fact that you safeguard individual freedom.”

Boots stamped as one.5

SLOTH

When Jerome discovered Idle Gaming, his life was complete.

He’d given up working to Twitchstream Let’s Plays, which soon became a bit demanding. Now he streamed the AI playing for him while he streamed reaction footage.

His fans loved the reactions, and few noticed that he’d been dead for weeks.6

GREED

The investment banker straightened his red suspenders. He paused for effect and regarded the assembled stockholders. His crisply-laundered blue-striped shirt and immaculate collar signalled power and success.

“Greed,” he said, “Greed, for want of a better word, is good. Without greed –“

He never finished his sentence. An aircraft, which had been imperfectly assembled, crashed onto the conference center, killing all present.

Their record dividend in airline stock went uncollected.7

LUST

When Rod said he loved his Trans-Am, nobody thought much of it. Many men develop passions for muscle cars, gush over the thrilling purr of the engine.

Something about the way he stroked the hood, absorbing the throb and warmth of the V8 snuggled within. The way he’d drive his ride to local trysting spots and come back looking physically drained, emotionally sated…

When he went missing they guessed where to find him.

Bleeding out on Lovers’ Lane, manparts mangled, fingers gone.

“How was it for you?” he gasped out, then died.

The Trans-Am gave a great shudder, then sighed.8

Bonus Selfie
A Portrait of Contemporary Man (By Himself)

A very sad selfie which does the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to do.

Dress = self-confidence, status, prestige. Power!
Demeanor = hesitation, anxiety, insecurity. Help!

NOTES

Sin being described as Original Sin - i.e. tough shit, you’re a sinner and nothing can help you except my brand of godliness - was first invented by St Augustine of Hippo (354–430 AD), who formulated the idea that because of innate sinfulness, humankind was a massa damnata, i.e. big blob of damnedness or tarnation-globule.

The cause for this is basically women. So if men are isolated from women they will be holier. That’s why Catholic priests have never done anything wrong ever.

Ever since Blake said his predecessor Milton “was of the devil’s party without knowing it”, Lucifer has been identified with heroic resistance to the hierarchical structure that we all suffer under.

Anarchist Moses Harman published Lucifer the Lighbearer in the 19th century US, saying that people “would never have known Good from Evil if Lucifer had not told them how to become as wise as the gods themselves.” Meanwhile Madame Helena Blavatsky and Annie Besant, all-round freedom fighter and good egg, published Lucifer where the Prince of Light fought constantly for liberty against Ahriman the crappy Demiurge who prefers order and oppression.

Takeaway: God is right to envy Lucifer because Lucifer is on the right side of history. God is always somehow on the wrong side, yet his followers say at the time it’s for the best. Only later do they admit their mistake, with little mouth mumblings. Lucifer sings victory. All hail!

Another mystery of theology is how come “wrath” got classified as a terrible sin, and yet God’s “righteous wrath”, which is described at extreme length in the Old Testament (aka Grumpy Old Skydaddy Chronicles), is good and must be emulated at all times.

Moses’ extensive and detailed curse pronounced on humans in Deutoronomy 25: 15-68 would seem to indicate the sadistic outpourings of a very hateful and unwell man, and yet this prophet is speaking on behalf of Jehovah himself.

But it’s not that Skydaddy was having a particularly bad day, no, he was (and has remained) always that sick. Deity Anger Management was not a thing then, and most definitely is not today.

Takeaway: Don’t be wrathful unless it’s for God, in which case smite away, I guess?

Tararre was a real man of the French revolutionary period, though his reported feats of gluttony and the way he was reported to literally give off clouds of vapour, as well as his extensible mandibles allowing him to swallow cats and puppies whole, all seem dubious (even if you can get a puppy whole in your mouth, doesn’t swallowing one constitute a choking hazard?)

He was chosen as a spy for the French army, since he could easily swallow secret documents if captured, but aforementioned stench and visible vapour clouds, as well as his habit of snaffling offal from the gutter and stray cats and chickens made him a bit conspicuous for espionage work.

Takeaway: Don’t employ a monstrous glutton geek-man as a secret agent. Sad that it needs to be spelled out like that, but still…

Pride’s a weird one. To be proud, prideful, is considered bad, and yet we’re always encouraged to be proud of ourselves and take pride in who we really are. Queer Pride is unambigiously good for the queer community, but this is to be taken as a political and social statement, not literally ‘pride’ in the same way as being proud of your sprint trophy.

Because to be ‘proud’ of being gay, or straight, or white, or black, or male, or female, seems to miss the point about contingency, confusing the dice roll of genetics with personal choice. In fact there’s very little about yourself you can strictly be proud of, rather than just glad of. Or unglad of, if you are unhappy with your genetic diecast.

Pride is an emotion, or sin, that can exist naturally and spontaneously, which is apparently OK, or be forced by a process of education and indoctrination, which is all wrong. But if you practice Buddhism it’s always bad because it traps you in your bloody samsara-self forever.

Takeway: I take great pride in my absolute lack of self-regard and my humility. I’d be proud of you if you were just as selfless and humble as me.

Sloth is both an animal and a sin. As an animal it is apparently cute but hosts a large number of fleas, ticks and other parasites which if they bite you, will make you all infected with debilitating viruses and consequently fatigued and slothful too. There has to be a parable in there somewhere.

Takeaway: This is the sin that nullifies all the others - see Godard’s short “La Paresse” to see how a truly slothful man (godlike noir star Eddie Constantine) can’t even be bothered to do gluttony and lust, much less wrath or any of the really tiring ones.

Greed is good, and that’s why the neoliberal late-capitalist world, which is incentivised by greed alone, is doing so tremendously well. Aeroplanes fall out of the sky, the ketchup is shit and expensive, and my government is owned by investment bankers and arms manufacturers.

Takeaway: Also the sin that nullifies all the others, in the sense that it’s going to kill us all very soon.

Lust is both good and bad. Good because if not, how would you even be here? And bad because if not, how would you even be here? I don’t advocate for lust, but rather the kind of Platonic love one would feel toward a dog or a sandwich.